


Fighting Monsters

by WriteToHeal42



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteToHeal42/pseuds/WriteToHeal42
Summary: These are stories, poems and other things I write instead of killing myself. Stay alive, frens.Note: This story I complete because I'm ready to write a new one because I'm ready to write to heal. Not going to add more or delete it because this is part of my history, and I'm ready to acknowledge it and continue past it.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 2





	1. Hello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A list of things to do instead of dying, my first bat poem, and a message to you, me, and whoever else needs to hear it.

When I have thoughts of killing myself, I start listing things I could do instead of that. Some things I could do today that would be better than that:

\- Leave my current lifestyle and become a professional clown named Happy Boi  
\- Buy some cheap sunglasses and make a rap music video (ideally lip sync)  
\- Read my library books  
\- Read more stories on Ao3  
\- Do my homework early so it doesn't pile up on the weekend.  
\- Write a poem about how bats are our friends  
\- Learn how to write poems so I can write a second, improved poem about how bats are our friends  
\- Join the real mafia so I can write mafia AUs with lived experience  
\- Draw puppies  
\- Play my five-stringed guitar (which was not originally designed with five strings, but I now keep that way pretending it's "quirky" when in reality I am too poor to afford both needed replacement string and the amounts of chocolate I crave each year)

\- walk to the store and buy some chocolate

On that note, here is a poem about how bats are our friends:

Bats are our friends, who eat up the harmful bugs,  
Such as the moths, who eat up our woolen rugs,  
Which we left out to dry in a stormy gale,  
Out in thunder and lightning and heavy hail,

Oh dear its a hurricane! Our rug's quite wet,  
But those moths won't get to it, at least not yet,  
For our woolen rugs that we left out late,  
Our bat friends won't allow that sorry fate.

~

Welp, that helped me at least! Found a reason to laugh, and as long as I can laugh, maybe things aren't so terrible as they seem.

Remember, no matter how much people treated you as worthless, that does not make you worthless. You matter, you have value beyond what you can see, beyond your "usefulness" to others. If you're looking for a reason to stay alive, this is it <3 Stay alive frens!


	2. Chapter 2

Holding onto a stick, knowing you're holding the other end. I wish we could stand closer.

I wish I could hold your hand again.

I wish I could hug you.

Let's stay alive, okay? And we'll have a long hug again when this is all over.


	3. Chapter 3

Can't die if you're busy writing, right? I'm thinking about a new story, but I'm not sure of which details to include.

I have to start sometime though, right? No time for regrets, just gotta keep writing. And who knows? Maybe that story would help someone else to the next moment. Either way it'll help distract me until these feeling pass. It will be something to do when there's no homework left to distract me. Distractions away, creative muse mind!


	4. Ready to Heal

Something I've realized is that I keep trying to fight monsters that are long gone, nightmares from a long time ago. I was so focused on staying alive that I forgot to live. I thought I had to keep fighting and fighting, but you can't fight a ghost.

Well, maybe a ghost that only exists for your eyes, that if you asked anyone else they might say "Uh, dude, you're hallucinating," or "Hey, it's just a memory, it's okay. It's just a flashback, it's not really happening now. It's over, you're safe now."

Anyway, this chapter is just to say, I'm ready to stop fighting, I'm ready to start healing. I know it's not going to be a perfect uphill climb. It's a journey, one I know don't have to take on my own. No one can take the steps for me. But I won't walk alone anymore.

Hey people who might be reading this (well, I guess you're reading it now - Hi!) and my past self too - It's okay to ask for help. Not everyone is going to be the one who can help you, or stick around in your life forever, or help you with every problem. No human is responsible for you and your healing journey, except you. There are a lot of people who are out there willing to help, but you have to ask. Some people won't be able to help you, but don't give up because of that.

Ideally ask for help before you have a mental breakdown and reintroduce yourself to your therapist by a different name using a different accent saying you need to find (real legal name) and get them help. (boy, that was a trip.)

Anyway, I'm going to write new stories to work out a ton of stuff (learned I still have a lot of intense emotions! Also, I do exist and am not lost in the woods in a pocket dimension!).

The Soldier in my head is retiring and is ready to learn how to live a civilian life/become a fictional character. I don't have to be a soldier anymore. First step, finish this story and start another one! I hope to have the first chapter out by next month at least, and if later, that's okay too. No need to be perfect.

Thanks for reading!


End file.
